In the mind of a mad man...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Coming Soon...

Take The Power Back.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Game 4: Pencils

Remember second grade, I sure do. While I only vaguely remember learning my long addition and subtraction and the history of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, I remember writing stories with the crooked newly learned alphabet a little better. One thing I remember very clearly is how I loved my pencils. They always had to be nice and sharp. In second grade you have to raise your hand for perrmission to sharpen your pencil. That was fine with me even though I was shy, it was worth it for a nice sharp pencil.

Carlos, a boy in my class, liked sharp pencils also. During a period of free time, in my little second grade imagination, Carlos and I were on a pirate ship. We were dressed in pirate garb he with a hook and I with a pegged leg. My men and I had just boarded his ship in an attempt to steel the loot that his men had just stolen from a imperial sailors. While our men were fighting and dying around us we faced off and drew our swords. This was not the first time Carlos and I had met. We had a long history of plundering together and ever since a recent spat, we had formed our own crews and were consumed with plundering each other. While I would have never admitted it back then, I probably started the whole spat and concordantly I desired what I got. After a bitter sword fight with plenty of good moves on both sides, and after I began to get cocky, feeling that I had him where I wanted him, He made a desperate jab. Because of my carelessness, his jab caught me in the arm. The pain consumed my body. This was really strange because I was a pirate and the wound was merely flesh deep.

All of the sudden the reality came swirling into view. We were not on a pirate ship, but were still in our second grade class. We were not fight with swords, we were fight with our new sharped pencils, and his sword had not cut my arm but his pencil was sticking into me. Because I was not a pirate and just a second grader, the pain made a lot more sense and I began to cry. To this day, I can still see the lead mark in my forearm.

Game 3: The War on Terror

Now that President Bush has extended the war on terror to include old ememies of his father and every arab-looking american, I thought that I could give him some other ideas of group on which he could declare war in the name of terror. All things that scare America's should and ought to be exterminator.

  • All haunted houses must be the first to go. Someone made a terrible mistake when they put "terror" in their name, e.g. "The House of Terror."

  • Cancer

  • Westley Snipes, because he scares me to death, almost

  • The dark

  • Childhood obesity

  • Will Ferrel because his name almost rhymes with terror

  • Moss

  • The word "moist"

  • Yao Ming

  • Rugby

  • MySpace

  • CNN

Friday, May 04, 2007

Game 2: High School Cliques

Are you trying to find yourself? Do you feel like the world hates you? Are you fat? Do I have a solution for you? Yes! Join a high school clique and it will solve all of your problems! Join the jocks a become a real jerk over night!

What was that?

You don't play sports? No matter! Buy yourself a pair of white k-Swiss b-ball shoes, some baggy jeans and pink polo and you are in like flint! But don't forget to pop that collar! If the the jocks don't fit your fancy just take your pick! You could join the goths! the boozers! the druggies! the rocker! the band nerds! the choir nerds... and the list goes on and on. To find yourself become like everyone else! It is a great way to formulate you identity!

What's that?

Your not in High School any more? No matter! Cliques can stay intact for the rest of your life. No need to get married! No need to move out of your parents place! No need to go away for college! You can be sure that all of your high school buddies will gather every Monday night at the bowling ally and you will never need to grow up! If that does work, no matter! That's what the homecoming game is for! Relive the best days of your life through high school football! You could even hang out with your little brother or sister while they are in high school!

What's that?

Your little bother/sister isn't cool? Help them achieve the same level of coolness you achieved so they can have a wonderful life just like you!

What's that?

Your 29 year old? When you hang around the high school, people give you dirty looks as if you are so sort of creep? No matter! Also now available is "Face Book"! Not only can you stay connected to your old friends from high school but you can have a place to spend your Saturday nights! And you don't even have to leave your computer! With "Face Book" you can even stalk those you used to have a crush on in high school! Or even better those who are currently in high school who you have a crush on!

Does this sound like the life for you? Of course it does!

Join a clique now! Call 1-800-Find-a-clique-for-me-so-I-can-feel-accepted-even-though-I-am-really-really-weird!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Game 1: Diets

While I know nothing of the scientific underpinnings, the fact is that taste budds can be trained. Is this a good thing or not? I don't know. My little sister was raving about this brownie-strawberry-ice cream combo that she was eating. She said it was so good. When I tried it I thought she was crazy. I realized that because of her diet--Weight Watchers--she had forgotten the taste of real chewy tasty fattening brownies and likewise she had forgotten what real ice cream taste like.

Last week I made some glorious guacamole. It was all natural, made from fresh avocados, tomatoes, onions and lemon juice. She told me that she could not eat my guacamole because it is too many points. If this combination of fresh vegetables is to fattening or just too many points for some reason, then I would rather stay away form such diets. I agree with Jake when he said with a sigh as he consumed some fattening meal, "It is good to live in a pointless world."

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

New York, New York

As I walked through the streets of this magnificent city I pondered how a certain phrase from the scriptures rings true. New York is "great and terrible."

Yet somewhere with in bowels of the city we came upon the sanctuary of God.

As guardians of knowledge, two lions set in front of the of the New York Public Library. Yet I can't help but think of a favorite movie from my childhood, Ghost Buster.

We couldn't go to New York without hitting Broadway.

At this point, ground zero merely looks like a construction zone. Yet the void in the New York sky line is still sobering.

Even after all that I saw in New York the Seinfeld Restaurant is one of my favorite. I was thinking of Eric when we took these pictures.

Ever time I go to New York I have to visit my favorite pizza place, Sbarro. (Office joke!)

to be continued...

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

George W at Mount Vernon

On Presidents Day, President George W. Bush visited Mount Vernon, the home of George Washington. In a short speech there, President Bush said that he was happy to be visiting the home of the first George W., to which the crowd laughed. He then went on to compare himself to Washington and compare the war in Iraq to the Revolutionary War. This has made some people laugh for another reason. Its has also made some grimace. Some people seem to have a problem with Bush, a president with a 60 percent disapproval rating, compare himself to America's most beloved president, George Washington.

As for me, I was just happy to be there. Above is a picture that I took of President Bush. It was great to see the President and to get a picture of, what some have pointed out is, the most powerful man in the world. I was also excited to see my old friend George Washington (or the actor who plays him) who greeted President Bush for the occasion.

To see what people have said, here are some links. From The Onion, a satirical newspaper: The full story also from the Washington Post: